Friday, May 28, 2021

9.1

In my dream I sit at the edge of an endless desert on golden sand. In front of me the sand recedes into water. A sea opens up below a clear sky. There are two sounds: the hum of wind passing across the low dunes and the constant fuzz of waves turning over onto themselves, punctuated by the rhythm of the tide. It matches the pattern of my breath. My friends appear, swimming in the water before me. I watch them, the ease with which they float and are carried by the tide, the way their bodies twist as their heads pass below the surface and appear again, they are in constant motion.

I reach my hands into the warm sand and notice someone sitting next to me. It’s someone I know, but I can’t remember their name. They’re wearing a large green sweatshirt that's too big for them. They feel so close, and even though I can’t place how I know them, I feel an immense comfort in their presence. Their hands are also buried in the sand. The rest of the beach is empty and, looking towards the water, I see that my friends have disappeared. Someone next to me brings their hands carefully together and cups the hot sand. They reach towards me and slowly open their hands. Sand trickles onto my feet. In silence, we watch as my feet are slowly covered.

Someone wraps a black cloth around my eyes. I let them. Everything goes dark. The waves are louder now as we stand up together. I can feel their hand resting on the small of my back. We walk into the water. I reach out and feel the soft fabric that someone is wrapped in, the way it curves away from me and around their side. We walk a step further. I can hear the sound of someone's breath and for a moment I think I know who they are. I am about to speak when the water rushes in, climbing up my legs and towards my waist. Someone pulls a lock of hair away from my face and places it behind my ear.

It nears my stomach, the water, and we continue to move. It is just us in the deepening water, my blindfolded head, someone’s sweatshirted body. We are in the softest ocean or the waters of a bay. The water reaches past my chest and to my shoulders. We stop and the cloth falls away from my eyes, and everything is all bright white for a moment. I look around at all the water and the clear sky. Blue on blue. I realize then that I am alone and my head becomes so heavy. I fall backwards, breaking the water’s surface in a small crash, then quiet.

My legs rise up. I float horizontally a few feet below the surface and look up at a shimmering light. It is the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I spin around, I dive even deeper into the water and rise up again. I realize I can breathe here, or I don’t even need to breathe at all. I want to thank someone for bringing me here, but no one is here. I want to call them or write to them, but I have nothing. I don’t even know who they are. I turn around and around, reach out in all directions, but there is only water. Only water, filling everything around me.

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11

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